The second the story moved, I knew it was golden.

It certainly wasn't the most newsworthy item I've ever seen. It wasn't even close to the most newsworthy item of the day.

Still, the story about a pair of Mitchell women who demanded that stores remove a Fisher Price talking doll that they were sure they had heard say "Islam is the light." I suspect they were sure that it said that because they had seen it on Fox News, where the story line was "Doll removed for hate speech."

But don't think Fox was in alone on the deal. News networks and newspapers nationwide, including our own, picked up on the story. And while their takes were different - some offered it up as a straight up news story and others that followed its dubious roots - they all had the Cuddle and Coo doll up front and center.

Of course, ol' C&C isn't the first doll that has attempted to lead our children astray. Over the past couple of decades, a long line of dolls with dubious attention have been brought to our attention by alert consumers who are simply trying to preserve our American way of life. Even nationally renowned evangelist Jerry Falwell got in the act.

Here's a list of four of the demon spawn and one that gives hope for all humanity.

Kind of.

Tinky Winky back at it again

First, Falwell forced this dangerous Public Television out of the closet, nothing that this purse-carrying, triangle-toting "thing" was no doubt a raging homosexual. Well, raging as much as the spacey Teletubbies can be, anyhow.

But then this.

A young mother from Oceanside, Calif., threatened to sue the makers of the show after she said the Tink-meister told her toddler, "I got a gun, I got a gun. Run away, run away."

Now, I would generally offer the same advice to my children when they were toddlers - minus the whole gun part. I mean, any parent who doesn't find the Teletubbies relatively disturbing just on the surface and would actually buy any representation of the otherworldly creatures probably is rolling the dice.

As for the whole gun thing? Well, hollwyood.com tried to interview Mr. Winky to get his response. Check it out here.

Po ain't no good, either

Apparently, bad behavior does spread. Tinky's PBS co-star Po apparently has a case of homophobia and isn't afraid to voice his opinion. According to a report from CBS News, a Po replica doll was believed by parents to be uttering slurs against homosexuals, followed up with the epithet, "Bite my butt."

The company countered that the voice was a Cantonese woman saying "faster, faster" and "slower, slower."

Suffice it to say, if you do hear any of the Teletubbies saying anything that makes sense to you, you are watching way too much Teletubbies.

Airel, oh Ariel, where did we go wrong?

What is wrong with these California mothers? Or maybe Mattell (which is also responsible for the Islam is the Light doll) is the real culprit here.

Back in 2006, the San Jose Mercury News reported that a mother there said the Little Mermaid Shimmering Lights Ariel doll told her daughter - in addition to phrases such as "You're a wonderful friend" - that she was "a slut."

It sounds like Ariel is spending too much time on MySpace.

Of course, it was the only instance of such controversy, and Mattell offered the mother an opportunity to return the doll. But most interesting is the paragraph in the story that reads as follows:

"Stephanie Oppenheim, who publishes the independent toy guide Oppenheim Toy Portfolio, told the Mercury News that she put Arial to the test. After pushing the buttons on another Shimmering Lights Ariel doll, she said she heard the naughty word but had to listen really closely to get an earful."

It wouldn't have anything to do with her listening for the doll to say that exact something. But who am I to doubt a mother AND an independent toy magazine publisher?

Tickle me Postal Worker Elmo

Obviously, all those appearances on The Rosie O'Donnell show have rubbed the little red muppet the wrong way.

A Florida mother says that after she installed fresh batteries into an Elmo Knows Your Name doll earlier this year, the Sesame Street character went on to threaten her 2-year-old son with physical violence.

A story in the Tampa Tribune includes:

With a squeeze of its fuzzy belly, the Sesame Street character now says, in a sing-song voice, "Kill James." "It's not something that really you would think would ever come out of a toy," said Melissa Bowman, James' mother. "But once I heard, I was just kind of distraught."

As usual, Fisher-Price is in the midst of the controversy. They offered a voucher for a replacement doll, and apparently, James wouldn't mind. He apparently kept trying to climb up the counter and closets to get it.

Don't believe her? Check out this video.

A chance at redemption

So what's a parent to do after accidentally exposing their child to one of these evil, Chucky-like dolls? No doubt, drastic measures are in order.

I suggest the purchase of one more talking doll: The Talking Jesus Doll.

For only $19.99, it gives your child "the opportunity to experience a direct connection with Jesus and the scriptures."

Never mind those pesky commandments about graven images and idol worship. I mean, it recites key Bible verses.

I suspect Ned Flanders may have had a hand in this.