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annie 09 08

Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I have been talking about moving in together for a very long time. I became pregnant and had our baby, but he didn't move in with me because he was upset that I was talking to other people about our problems.

Well, finally, almost a year later, he has moved in his dresser and bookshelf. But he is mad at me again because he did it all on the weekend, unannounced, and that upset me, and I told my dad that it concerned me. Apparently, my dad asked him about it, and he is upset with me again.

This is driving me crazy because he stays over here 80% of the time, but when he is mad, he just takes off. He told my brother he is done. I'm so tired of this, but I love him. It's constant back and forth.

I want stability and not to suffer. He has done this even before we had kids. He just takes off, and we can't talk through our issues without him getting mad. At this point, I am wondering, should I continue to work on things -- to keep trying? Is the pain and suffering going to be worth it in the end? -- Highly Frustrated

Dear Highly Frustrated: Regardless of if you stay or go, you and your boyfriend will experience some pain and uncomfortable feelings. The real question is, can you make that pain and discomfort productive? The best way to do that is to get into counseling for the two of you.

With the help of a professional, he can't just storm off when he is upset; he has to stay in the room and work through his feelings. I know you are going through a hard time, and talking to your father about it might feel like a nice relief in the moment, but it doesn't really help your relationship with your boyfriend. Try to keep the problems in your relationship between you and your boyfriend and your therapist. In the end, you owe it to your baby and yourself to try to work it out.

Dear Annie: In response to "One Grieving Grandmother to Another," who was upset about not seeing her children and grandchildren on holidays, I was thinking she could try making her own "holidays" or special Sundays. If invited ahead of time, her family might come together and be with her. Competition on regular holidays makes it hard for grown children to see all the family. If there are birthday celebrations for grandkids, I think it's perfectly OK to ask ahead if she may join the festivities, instead of waiting for them to extend the favor. Sometimes, we just have to be proactive. -- Understanding Grandma

Dear Understanding Grandma: Being proactive and creative is always a good thing. Thank you for your suggestion.

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